Rules Are Meant to be Broken
by justanotheryaoifangirl
Summary: This is an order I intend to follow always, even in death, as it is one I can’t break even if I wanted to. GinxKra, warnings: yaoi, angst.


Author's note: I'm so proud of myself for actually meeting my self-imposed deadline! My friend is in love with this pairing, do I wanted to do something for her. I think this needs a tad of explaining though; if you could perhaps think of it as an elaborate suicide note from Izuru to Gin?

Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Bleach.

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'_Yer so quiet, little one. What's yer name?' 'K-kira Izuru, Ichimaru-t-taichou.' 'So polite, fukutaichou, followin' all yer orders.' 'Hai, Ichimaru-taichou.' 'Che, so cute. How's this fo' an order? I wancha ta never stop bein' cute, ne, Izuru?' 'H-hai, Ichimaru-taichou.'_ Up until that point, I simply couldn't understand what it was Hinamori and Renji felt. I just couldn't comprehend how their fixations had come about; how, in a second, they had managed to fall into a trap so deep that it would shut them in until the day they died. Hinamori's seemingly mindless worship of Azien-taichou rang hollow in my ears and I found Renji's fascination with Kuchiki-taichou unsettlingly devoid of reason. However, in the seconds it took to have that seemingly meaningless conversation, I seemed to have found my own obsession. In those few seconds, I had been effectively taken captive, a willing prisoner to your enthralling smile. It wasn't the first time I had been praised about following my orders, nor was it even the first time I had been called cute, but there was something in the way you looked at me that made me think that you knew my every dirty little secret I had yet to find out. It was something in your ever-enticing smile that told me that even if I disregarded all other orders, I would be willingly following yours forever.

'Why is Ichimaru-taichou wearing red?' As strange as it sounded, that was the first thing that had come to mind as I rounded the corner and watched you draw your zanpaktou. However, it was shortly followed by, 'Why is it dripping?' 'Shinso isn't supposed to be red, is it?' and finally, 'Wait, isn't that blood? That must have been the last coherent thought that ran through my brain because when my mind finally caught up to my legs, Wabisuke had been released and my face was wet with a mix of sweat, blood and tears. _'Che, Izuru, this isn' your fight. Ikorose, Shinsou!_' I think that was when I lost consciousness, because the next thing I remembered, I was waking up in a bed in the fourth division. Turning my head to the left, I recalled seeing you and thinking that there was nothing as disconcerting as seeing a taichou immobilized and in a hospital bed, especially one as untouchable as your own. Unable to bear the sight, I looked away and let the tears building up behind my eyelids flow down my cheeks. I opened my eyes when I felt a thumb wiping away the tears and found you standing over me. _'Ya know Izuru, yer the first person tha's ever cried for me. I don't like it.' 'My apologies, Ichimaru-taichou.' 'Che, don't say sorry.' 'Hai, Ichimaru-taichou.' 'I dun wantcha to cry over me, ne Izuru? Ya don' look nearly as cute with tears rollin' down yer face.' 'Hai, Ichimaru-taichou.'_

I remember the first time you snuck into my room at night. I don't believe I was dreaming anything when you came in, and even if I was, it was soon forgotten as I awoke to a hand skimming past my forehead and hair brushing past my nose. As I blearily opened my eyes, I remember seeing your face mere inches from mine, but looking back, I don't remember being as surprised as I should have been. Maybe I had been dreaming that night. I do remember that, by that time, seeing you in my dreams had become a frequent occurrence. Perhaps that was what I thought it was when I first woke up; that this was simply another fantasy, never to come true. I do remember, however, when you settled down on top of me and tugged softly on my hair, before capturing my unsuspecting lips in a bruising kiss. Tongue probing gently, you pried open my mouth, and sucked eagerly on my bottom lip, rolling your hips ever so slightly into mine. I'm sure I was fully awake by that time, yet I can't seem to remember anything past the appreciative moan that left my lips at having you on top of me. All I know is that sometime between the feather-light caresses and delightful friction, we somehow managed to fit in sex. I believe you preferred to say that you 'fucked me into the mattress' though. However, even though I was half asleep, I can remember clearly what happened afterwards. _'Ya know somethin'? Ya got really sof' skin, Izuru-chan. It's so cute. I don' wantcha to let anybody ruin your perfec' skin, ya hear? Nobody, not even you.'_ _'Hai, Ichimaru-taichou.'_

To see one of your best friends coming at your taichou with a zanpaktou was never something they prepared you for at the academy. That was the only explanation I could come up with as my mind blanked. It was the only reason I could think of for why I couldn't immediately come up with exactly what I was supposed to do. It seemed that no one had ever envisioned such a scenario, and because of that, reason had taken a backseat to instinct. The absence of the zanpaktou's familiar clashing was the thing that caused me to open my eyes, and soon enough, I was being taken to the detention center. Have you ever stayed in the detention center, Ichimaru-taichou? It was so dark, so cold, yet my mind couldn't stay focused on the emptiness for long. Instead, it just kept wandering back to you. The only thing I could think of was what was happening to you. I don't know how long I was in that cell, yet when I heard those footsteps and saw your face, it didn't matter anymore. You made your way to the cell and opened it, that clank echoing in the dark and your words not too far behind. _'Izuru, do ya think that Hinamori woulda landed a hit on your taichou?' 'No, Ichimaru-taichou.' 'So then why did ya stop her?' 'My apologies, Ichimaru-taichou.' 'Don' say sorry, Izuru. Jus' answer my question.' 'I…I was worried, taichou.' 'Worried? If you worry 'bout be, how am I supposed ta worry 'bout my cute little Izuru-chan?' 'I understand, Ichimaru-taichou.' 'No more worryin' 'bout me Izuru, 'kay?' 'Hai, Ichimaru-taichou.'_

'_Izuru?' 'Hai, Ichimaru-taichou?' __'Do ya love me?' '…Hai, Ichimaru-taichou.' 'Ya know how rules are meant to be broken?' 'Hai, taichou.' 'What we're doin' now is breakin' those rules.' 'I understand, taichou.' 'Can ya promise me somethin', then?' 'Of course, taichou.' 'Will ya love me forever?' 'Hai, Ichimaru-taichou, always.' 'Che, so cute, Izuru-chan.'_ By that time, I had gotten used to your less-than-standard orders. I had followed each one, as it was not only my job, but also the only thing I lived for. Content that I was given another order, another reason to keep living, I fell asleep with my head nuzzled into your neck and your hands still rubbing soothing circles on my back. When I woke up the next morning, the coldness was the first indication that something was wrong. That was when I noticed you were missing, not just on a mission or attending a captain's meeting, but really gone. They expect me to take your place, Ichimaru-taichou, but without you orders, I have nothing to keep me going. Remember when you told me that orders shouldn't be followed and rules were meant to be broken? Perhaps, if you still believe this, you could forgive my worry for where you are, these tears that won't stop flowing, and the blood reddened slashes on my wrists? Maybe you could excuse my weakness and pardon me the rules I've broken, the orders I haven't followed? Still, Ichimaru-taichou, perhaps it would please you to know that there is one order I have not disobeyed? I've kept good on the promise to love you forever Ichimaru-taichou; so perhaps, you could absolve me of all blame? This is an order I intend to follow always, even in death, as it is one I can't break even if I wanted to.

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A/N: Reviews? This is the first time I tried something like this, I want to know how I did! Cookies to the reviewers! 


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